Contemplating my past decisions and thinking of what can I do next,
I don't know what's right or wrong but this is how it is.
How I regret so many things in my Life and what can I do to correct them?
A thousand thoughts tell me, "Well you chose it, well you thought it to be the right thing, well you said why not when everyone around you asked why, well you wanted to quit"
But now I can never ever quit, quitting is just not an option and this is Life.
"Life, really?" asks my soul, worried, embarrassed, anxious and scared, it asks again "Is this what Life is ..?"
The thoughts deepen and everything in me is busy debating.. my heart, my soul, my mind is divided.I wonder if this the sad truth about my Life, I wonder if this is what I chose?
Am I even worthy of a better Life? Or should I let myself die, every moment, till dying becomes a process..
I come back to Life a little ..pulled up from the thread of few smiles..
I see my own smiling ..
The innocent yet naughty smile on my son,
The loving smile of my husband,
The most beautiful smile of my mother,
The mischievous smile of my brother
.. And then there is a smile which can solve world problems, my fathers.
And suddenly all’s well in this universe, all’s beautiful.
Suddenly my mind is telling me its never too late to do anything good, my soul is encouraging me to open myself up and do what I am destined to do.
This is what Life is, it tells me. To die down but live more. To tear up and unite again. To be integrated into one being, to move ahead even when you know moving is the toughest thing to do. Cos nothing is easy anymore ...
PS: Wrote it sometime back, possibly a hint of post partum depression when my son was a few months old.. Thankfully I have a strong support system in form of my family.