Updated: May 25
I grew up watching my mom, looking up to her. Her home was her sanctuary, she had decorated it with all her heart, she'd cook scrumptious meals for us from time to time, how the home was tidied to perfection, how there was music in the background every morning, every Diwali we'd see something new in the decor. It was what would bring peace to us, after a day at school or a vacation or any outing for that matter, it was our home which brought us to peace and it was made so by my mom. A mother is the ultimate superwoman for a child, regardless of her being a home maker or a working mom or any other role for that matter, she is always a role model for her children.
I could have imagined getting married and having children, but i never imagined myself being a homemaker, housewife or a stay at home mom. As much as i respected my mom for being the person she is, for being my best friend and counselor, I felt i was a different person. I was that girl with dreams all my life, that someone who is independent and focused, with a vision of her own. All through my school, graduation, work my dreams only soared high till it came to a pause. Yes i have written on this in detail in this previous post of mine. so i wont go any further but as i said there too, the only person to stop you from growing is you, yourself!
Before my son was born i was in a huge identity crisis and nothing seemed to soothe me. It was only after my dear Yash came into my life that i found a new meaning. And believe me it is him who has turned me from a confused home maker to a happy SAHM.
Happiness and motherhood, they may seem simple terms when they are said together but they are so not. I have had my share of ups and downs, negative thoughts and guilt while raising him but no doubt the pros outshine the cons.
1. I have the "choice" of pursuing what i love
It is no doubt exhausting being a SAHM, something or the other is always up when you're living in a family and taking out time for yourself seems like a task in itself. But whatever time i earn for myself, its special. When i thought of doing something significant from the safety of my home, i had myriad options. I chose writing and it went along with my enthusiasm for photography. It also gave me an identity away from just being a mother, it was a sense of expression for me.
2. I can focus on my child and family
No matter what we do for our children, i guess we will all be prone to guilt. This was also the biggest of "cons". I was a full time mom and still could see my son lacking milestones. The reassurance, the support of a family, this is what kept me going. So I started giving more time to my son and i realized how much we undermine children, and how much more they can do, if only they have the exposure to it. With time the guilt was taken over by responsibility. He is my child my responsibility. Same with family, they support you but you need to support them back, thats how the cycle works. When i started writing and working on this path to happiness, i definitely became a better person and not just for myself. I have a long way to go but as a woman, identifying myself and my responsibilities, work for the betterment of everyone.
3. I am my own decision maker
I am who I am, I am a woman, I am a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and mother. My roles don't define me, my relations don't define me, it is my choices and priorities who make me who i am. I choose to be my own decision maker and i am happy doing it. Being in control of your life brings a different joy to your life, it brings a confidence and it gives you a reassurance that everytime you fall, it is your responsibility to get up and get back with more vigour and resolve. Believing in myself and being able to take decisions is what makes me a happy mom.
4. Try to be a positive figure in your child's life
This is something which i can only aspire for in life. Growing up my mom played different roles in my life, a support during school years, a friend during college time and a counselor forever. She is that one person who i know loves me selflessly and will always be there for me. So, i hope that i can be there for my son whenever he needs me. Given the super busy schedule of my husband, it is important that at least there's one constant in my child's life. You might agree to it or not but being there and being around is important for me.
Adding to that i really and with all my heart respect every women out there, for making the choices they did. I have said this earlier too and I will say it again, If there's one thing that parenthood taught me then it is to never judge a parent whatsoever. They are doing their best to raise their child, so keep your judgement to yourself. I heard these awesome lines by the very popular Priyanka Chopra on feminism and i have to share it here..
"I think as Women, we have the privilege to be able to have children... so even if your priority at some point becomes the work you're doing vis-a-vis being a #homemaker raising a child, doing both, whatever... Thats what #feminism stands for. Its the choice you get to make and thats a different kind of #ambition" - Priyanka Chopra on Koffee with Karan
Very recently i watched this episode and I couldn't get it out of my head. It is indeed a privilege that i could bear my child and have him in my life. It is a privilege indeed that i can make a choice to work or be a SAHM and i would have equal amount of respect based on my priority. That is indeed a different kind of ambition and that is indeed what feminism actually stands for. I am happy for the choices i made and I am proud to be me.
This post is part of #momsspeakup Blog Train, celebrating International Women's Day. I'd like to thank Sweta Kachhap for introducing me. Please read her awesome views on this topic here. I'd like to take the opportunity to introduce Revati Bhushan and i'm sure you'd love to read her take on this as well here.